Thursday, 7 August 2008

Little miss....

I'm changing my name, to Little Miss Grouch, Little Miss Moody, Little Miss Can't Find Anything To Be Happy About , which ever you like.

You wouldn't think to see me, I'm quite deceptive to the eye, I look happy and confident but...I have issues. My hubby even suggested I go see a Psychiatrist, can you believe it.
I think it has allot to do with me living in Libya, it doesn't agree with me. He thinks that I don't have enough self confidence, or self belief, I believe he is right.

I don't want to start analyzing myself on this blog, it's not why I started it, but it is helping me sort out my thoughts. I had a so so child hood, I was never allowed to make my own decisions, was never allowed to live my life as I wanted, I'm not talking about clubbing and drinking and going to endless parties, but even just seeing my school friends outside of school was an effort on my part to pluck up the courage to ask my Dad (mum was never allowed to have a say in whether we went out or not) if I could go into town with friends...it was almost always a NO, until I stopped asking.

I realise now that they must have been very scared bringing up Muslim girls in a western society, but it has affected the way I am now. I'm 32 and still don't know who I am, what I want or what makes ME happy.
Sad isn't it!!!!
(I don't mean sad in the Boo Hoo cry your eyes out type of way, but sad as in in 'oh my god your so sad')

I'm gonna try and make a list of what makes me happy...
that will be my next post....
there you go...something positive from caught in the middle...

2 comments:

Libyan woman said...

hi dear
our life is filled with ups & downs,never ever give-up.fortunatelly u have children &u r healthy as well.fair enough 2 thank God & be satisfied about your decent life.
(ولأن شكرتم لأزيدنكم)
والقناعة كنز لا يفني

on the edge said...

Oh lovely you , you are growing and it can be painful but never give up ! You are progressing just fine !And I am sure all those lovely books will help you , lol !