Monday, 30 June 2008

Caught in the Middle.

Caught in the middle of what? you may ask. Well basically its trying to fit in but not wanting to change who I am, where and how I was brought up is being contradicted every single day of my life here in Libya. I'm being pulled, dragged and twisted in ways that are really doing my head in.

In one hand I'm supposed to be a successfull and confident woman with her husband and kids as her back bone and inspiration to do well, while on the other hand I'm being scorned for not spending enough time at home taking care of them, and the house and of my in laws. (my in-laws....that's another story)

I work till 4:00 that's not too bad is it? I get home, I cook...(well try!!!) I do laundry, I play with the kids, bath them, put them to bed, and relax.... Yes its a routine and is boring, but my husbands happy, my kids are happy... so why can't people just leave me alone to live my life how I can, its not perfect, but it's mine.

It's hard enough to get through the normal day without collapsing, imagine getting home and being confronted by my mother in law with "we have to go see 'whats her name' today, her husbands no well, we're leaving at 7." Not so bad if you can just slip on jeans and a shirt, pull your hair back and be ready.....nooooooooooooo you have to look smart...cos other people will be their, you have to have your hair in order not just washed and pulled back (my hair is well...frizzy..curly...course...whatever you want to call it....i have to get it blow dried professionally *ok semi-pro*...I'm way too lazy to do it myself) ,In the end I opt for just blow drying my fringe as I simply don't have any time for anything else, and I'm way too exhausted.

Why I have to be dragged to these people that I don't even know is beyond me, yes visiting the sick is good, but not to sit there for hours chatting away about people who have died and are even more sicker than the person we've come to depressing.

Lord give me strength.


Rose Bud said...

I'm reading your post and laughing. Not at you but with you. This all reminds me of my life in Libya (there were some good times too)and I know exactly what you are talking about. I moved to Libya when I was 16 and lived there trying to fit in for 15 years. You learn to make a balance between the two worlds and pcik the good and bad points of each and stick to them. As long as you are kind, people will learn to leave you alone. You can't be everywhere and do everything and you have to learn to say no. Visit on the weekend. Remember, you MIL is probably depending on you to get here and there. You will learn that people will expect you to do the traditional stuff but they don't break their neck when you need them. When that does happen to you you will learn who you want to visit. Not trying to be cynical but it's true.

Anonymous said...

My observation from experience:
1. You can spend your entire energy trying to please them but, at the end of the day, they will still talk behind your back (because that is what they do);
2. You teach people how you want or allow yourself to be treated--run your household the way that is best for you - they will adapt;
3. They won't change for you; and
4. If your husband is not complaining - nothing else matters.

PS: Yes, I'm married to a Libyan 24 years. I know what I am talking about.

MaySoon said...

I felt for you.. you made me laugh :oD..

Well Alhamdolilah my mother-in-law is some how kind enough to ask me if I want to go.. and my answer (most of the time) is no but thanks, I just go the ones I call the I-HAVE-TO-GO-TO which are for the very close relatives of my husband, and I usually complain about those too!!

And hey I can’t agree more with anonymous's # 2..

Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

i can totally relate to you with the hair matter,
sometimes its just not HAIR TIME! :(