Caught in the middle of what? you may ask. Well basically its trying to fit in but not wanting to change who I am, where and how I was brought up is being contradicted every single day of my life here in Libya. I'm being pulled, dragged and twisted in ways that are really doing my head in.
In one hand I'm supposed to be a successfull and confident woman with her husband and kids as her back bone and inspiration to do well, while on the other hand I'm being scorned for not spending enough time at home taking care of them, and the house and of my in laws. (my in-laws....that's another story)
I work till 4:00 that's not too bad is it? I get home, I cook...(well try!!!) I do laundry, I play with the kids, bath them, put them to bed, and relax.... Yes its a routine and is boring, but my husbands happy, my kids are happy... so why can't people just leave me alone to live my life how I can, its not perfect, but it's mine.
It's hard enough to get through the normal day without collapsing, imagine getting home and being confronted by my mother in law with "we have to go see 'whats her name' today, her husbands no well, we're leaving at 7." Not so bad if you can just slip on jeans and a shirt, pull your hair back and be ready.....nooooooooooooo you have to look smart...cos other people will be their, you have to have your hair in order not just washed and pulled back (my hair is well...frizzy..curly...course...whatever you want to call it....i have to get it blow dried professionally *ok semi-pro*...I'm way too lazy to do it myself) ,In the end I opt for just blow drying my fringe as I simply don't have any time for anything else, and I'm way too exhausted.
Why I have to be dragged to these people that I don't even know is beyond me, yes visiting the sick is good, but not to sit there for hours chatting away about people who have died and are even more sicker than the person we've come to see....how depressing.
Lord give me strength.
5 days ago